I was twelve, 107 pounds, and I wanted to kill myself.

When I look back on this time in my life, I know how ridiculous and absurd the thought was.  On the surface, I was fine.  I did well in school, performed in plays, participated in community service, and appeared to be a well-adjusted child.  Nobody knew what went through my mind some nights...until now.

The biggest problem for me was the fact that I could not talk about how I felt to anyone.  The thought of highlighting what I viewed as my inadequacies to another person was the most horrifying thing I could think to do.  For thousands of people, this is still the case.  You see, to admit a fallacy you have displays a stigma on who you are as a person.  Nobody wants to be branded as suicidal or carrying some type of mental disorder.  For this reason, people (especially young people) attempt to battle with themselves.  Most times we win, but there are many who do not.  

Now here's my story...

I have always been on the "chunkier" side.  Perhaps it is my bone structure or the shape of my face, but I could not help compare my body to those of girls around me.  Being involved in theatre and dance only amplified the fact that I did not have the "ideal" ballerina body.  I was afraid to be in the limelight because then everyone would notice the way my hips curved, the pudge of my belly, or the width of my thighs.  I was afraid they would judge me as deeply as I judged myself.  Many days I would get by on one small meal.  I counted calories.  I kept a journal of everything I ate.  It never occured to me that with hours of dance practice and almost no energy to feed off of, I was basically wasting away.  There were many nights where I was disgusted with myself.  I would get sad...then angry...and on some dark nights, I would think that life really wasn't worth all of the agony I felt.  

Lucky for me, reality had a way of setting in.  How would my family feel? How would my friends feel? Taking away my life was a selfish act.  I couldn't bring myself to do it...but others are not that lucky.  There are others who are afraid to talk about the supposed demented thoughts that run through their mind.  How can they admit they have contemplated suicide? Or are bulemic?  We all know it's bad...and what will others think if they find out?  My battle with myself continued well into my first year of college, but imagine if there was a group of people who could have helped me? Who said that it was okay to have the feelings I had and could help talk me through it? Perhaps my battle would not have been so long and rough...

And so, I am running for the people who are like the person I once was...in hopes that they will be able to muster up the strength to TALK...to SPEAK...and to be OKAY. Let's erase the stigma. Let's start talking. Let's save lifes...

I couldn't have been more than 110 pounds at the time this picture was taken, but I felt as though I was big enough to have objects orbit around me. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I was perfect just the way I was...

LET S ERASE THE STIGMA EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION wrote -

Why do we run?


Do you know the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24?

The answer is suicide.

Out of 100,000 kids...

...20.5 of those ages 10 to 24 will die by suicide in just 1 year (that we know of).  For every completed suicide, there are another 11 attempts that we don't hear about.  Many others aren't reported.  Why?  STIGMA.

There is something you can do to stop this travesty.  Help kids have a voice to help other kids and save a life.  Just as a marathon or half marathon is a very long race, LETS youth are also on a difficult race: to erase the stigma of mental illness.  Let's invite kids to talk openly--and without stigma--about issues like teen suicide, bullying, eating disorders, self-harm, and mental health concerns.  And now that we're talking...let's run!  

We run because it's fun, and we run because it matters!


Let’s help kids talk!


LETS is a nonprofit, 501(c)(3) children’s charity dedicated to erasing the stigma of mental illness by funding and developing educational programs, mentoring opportunities, and research possibilities designed to empower youth to change the perception of mental illness.  Your donation will directly support our LETS Clubs in middle schools, high schools, and universities where students can discuss stigma, learn about mental health, lead their own stigma-erasing projects, and provide peer-to-peer education.


How much does a secret weigh?


Every time we see a teen suicide, bullying incident, eating disorder, or youth tragedy in the news, it breaks someone's heart--like yours or mine--as we wonder, how can we help?  But far more telling than what we see in the headlines is what remains unspoken.  One family is thinking, "We never saw this coming."  One teacher is thinking, "That happened here, too."  One friend is thinking, "I hope it wasn't my fault."  One leader is thinking, "Good thing we don't have those problems here."  One health care provider is thinking, "We did the best we could."  And thousands of kids are thinking, "I'm going through the same thing...but I can't tell anyone."


Please support our exciting race for kids by running with Team Let’s Run in the San Francisco Marathon or sharing a donation.

LETS Official Website