BENEFITING: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Feel free to share. This will be long but hopefully you will take the time to read it, because it means a lot to me. Yes, I joke around on here about my mother in law and other things, I get on a soapbox about politics and allow myself to get worked up over what someone else believes or post. A lot of times to the point of where most of you have hidden me from your timeline or keep scrolling when you see my name. Hey, I can understand, it's your right and if I was me, I'd get tired of me as well. But there is one thing that I take very serious and you will see several post about it on my page, I simply ask, for all of my "Kevinness" that you pass over if it's not your bag of rocks, to take the time to read my post about AFSP, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The organization helps fund studies and education of suicide and it's signs, it raises awareness of mental illness, such as depression and others. If you don't know, two years ago, after losing a close friend to suicide, I was not myself for about six months, after reading web sites that showed the signs of depression, I told myself that all of those symptoms are the same as I am dealing with now. In November 2012 I went to a psychiatrist and was told I needed to go to the hospital, I said I agree, thinking it was going to be a simple hospital room for a couple of days and test, then I'd get some medicine and get better. When I arrived at the hospital, I was sent to the blue floor, the psych ward. Needless to say, I was already suffering from depression, but the first night sunk me to an all time low. I spent several days in this ward. (You have activities daily and are locked on a floor, you can come and go on the floor as you please, but outside contact is limited to an hour of visiting time a day) This is basically done to monitor that I wasn't going to hurt myself (I am not suicidal) and that I took my medicines when I was supposed to. After coming home I spent almost every day in the bed, did not have the want to, desire or energy to talk to anyone or do anything. I would get out of bed when my wife came home, simply because she made me most of the time. I was prescribed a ton of different medications until we found a good mix. After about three months, things got a little better, then in July of 2013 I suffered a setback to where I knew that I needed help and for lack of a better term, was going crazy, I drove myself to the blue floor voluntarily and checked in. I spent five days in this mental hell hole, with new medications and more psychiatrist visits. Things evened out after a month or so and my depression was kept in check for the most part. In October 2014, I started having the feelings again, I refused to go back to the blue floor but saw another doctor with yet another medicine combination. This episode was completely different from the other two, in that while I still didn't want to get out of bed, now as I lay there and looked around, I would say in my head "you know, if I wanted to, I could hang myself from that door opening or from that window frame" It was a scary and messed up feeling when you know that you are not suicidal (once again, I am not!) but there is something inside of you that tells you you can do it or points out situations where it's possible. Once again I was given another medicine combination (this is not uncommon, as everybody reacts different) but this time it was/is the right mixture. From November to January 8, 2015 I worked to get better, I told myself to at least get out of bed and go downstairs, or find something to work on to keep my mind occupied. From January 8 to February 5, my mind was with my grandmother, as I spent almost everyday with her as we watched her slip away from her battle with dementia, but that's another story for another time. I will always suffer from depression, as it never completely goes away, but I'm happy to say that for whatever reason, spending those last weeks by my grandmother's side helped clear my mind of the swirling, can't think clearly, can't focus, depressive demon that existed inside there. Am I who I was five years ago? No. Can I continue to work every day to get there. Yes. I said all of this because I believe in educating people on what it is like to live with depression, what resources are out there for you. I am not ashamed of anything I wrote above. Mental illness is often looked down upon ( mostly when it comes to funding research) by most everyone. When the word mental illness is mentioned by most of the general public, it is often followed by a joke or dismissed because you can look at 99% of us and never realize we suffer from a mental illness. ( I use the term mental illness, because it encompasses a lot of "diseases" under one general terms, also because the two words terrify the general public so much, that it needs to be used to make you aware). If you suffer from these symptoms, or know someone who does, get help. Encourage them to get help. Find someone who will listen (talk therapy is wonderful for me, as it's an awesome feeling to share my story and educate or even help someone) and be that listener for someone else if they want to talk. If you see signs of suicide or wanting to hurt themselves in someone, do not ignore it, talk to them. There are all kinds of resources and education at AFSP.org. That's why I support it and am so passionate about it. I know just today that I made a difference in someone's life through one of these post, and that made it all worth it. I'm not asking for donations just to be asking, I'm asking because the money works. 100% of all money raised goes to AFSP and 70% stays here in Alabama. Every little bit counts and is appreciated. If you choose not to or simply can't , I fully understand, I do hope that after reading my story (in a condensed version! Lol) that it has brought a least awareness to a disease that is often ignored and overlooked. If you would like to join our team and participate in the annual Out Of The Darkness Community Walk this November and even help with your own fundraising page to share, please don't hesitate to contact me. Simply leave a reply or PM me. I would love to have you join our team, walk with us and see first-hand what AFSP is all about. I'm Kevin Muir and I suffer from depression.