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Forqan Qureshi's Fundraiser:

Cakes Are Taking Over America

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Forqan Qureshi


     Too long have cakes reigned supreme throughout the land. Hundreds and thousands of people blindly love cakes without any reason to it. In fact, cakes aren't even worthy of any praise! So I have decided to take the initiative to end the control of cakes.
     I have figured out that cakes are in fact brainwashing citizens, inserting messsages that cake is the greatest dessert in existence. So I have developed a subliminal messaging system to counter this assault.
     For every dollar donated to this project, one obese person in America will stop eating cake. Only you can save the obesity that lies in the heart of these cake-plagued men and women. Reaching into their minds, we can help cure them of the foul disease called "cake".
     Lies and treachery are the backbone for cake operations. Ill will exudes from each cake that is baked and only I hold the power to stop it. Light can be shown to the people through this project. You are here because you have broken free from their grip. Soon obesity will be struck at its root.
     Behind this funding page is the intricate design of the operation. It will include the use of television. Reasoning behind television is because TV is embedded into American culture deeply. Television is the most effective way to reach as many obese Americans as possible. Handily enough, I happen to own the television. Destruction of the cake race's hold on the American population is imminent. All will know the truth behind their unexplained bias for cake. You people will be the backbone for this project with your funding.
     Pie is what will replace the minds of these men. Reason for this is because pie is not nearly as accesible as cake in America. Entire cities will abandon their cake factories and embrace pies. Soon pies will occupy bakeries nationwide. Explanation behind this action is that pies are much more nutritious than cakes in every way shape and manner, and will in fact help Americans get into shape. No doubt is in my mind that pies are much more deserving and suitable to be the overlords of the American population. The tyranny of cake will come to an end as a new era of pie is ushered into this generation!

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