Last November, I saw an Intro video for Tough Mudder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Years ago, I thought these people were crazy. But I wanted to do it. I wanted to push myself to the limit, over obstacles, through pain...just like our brave men and women in the military do on a daily basis. What better way than a British Special Forces designed Obstacle Course that is labeled "The Toughest Event on the Planet" ??? !!!
Some of you may know that I have struggled with complex PTSD since I was a teenager. If you know my family, you know that I was a bit out of control and hard to handle. I have really come a long way since then. Some people don't. I haven't required any medication for years and have made full peace with the past. I have found mindfulness, meditation, yoga and an amazing family have helped me become who I am today. I'm so grateful for that.
One thing that has bothered me, in the past couple years, is the last straw in my battle with PTSD. It's the hyper vigilance. Hyper Vigilance is a common symptom of PTSD. It is the hardest thing for me to control. One unknown trigger can bring me to a point where I am afraid that something is going to happen to me. It's a gun shot, a news story, a smell, fire, sirens, a name, a sound... I have pinpointed many triggers, but there will always be some that are unknown.
I think that if you have been close to death, in a life threatening situation (or many), any potentially dangerous situation is one you're likely to avoid. It's like a paranoia, without being paranoid. It's anxiety when you have no idea why it's there. It kept me from walking in the woods alone, exploring. It has kept me from a lot of things. It has kept me from happily living life...because, "What if the worst thing that can happen...happens?"
So the only way to get over fear, is to face it. I view Tough Mudder as a chance for me to prove to myself that I'm tough, I'm hard to beat...and that I have a lot of fight in me. I'm not someone to mess with, I'm not one to give up and I'm definitely going to fight. If I can do this, what can't I do?
I have not served in the Military, but I can understand the challenges that traumatic situations can put on a person. It's a whole new battle for our service members. Our Veterans deserve so much more than they get, especially when it comes to mental and physical care. But, also, with post military life. I'm SO EXCITED that Tough Mudder has Partnered with Team RUBICON! Team Rubicon is the only nonprofit disaster response organization that mobilizes military veterans to support communities devastated by natural disasters. By tapping into the valuable skills of veterans and giving them an opportunity to continue their service, Team Rubicon fosters a newfound sense of purpose, community and identity. It's pretty Amazing! I would appreciate any donations towards Team RUBICON! Thank you!