Jaclyn Satriana via Crowdrise
September 09, 2012
EVENT DATE: Oct 07, 2012
Expecting my first child was such an unbelievably exciting time for me. As all new parents to be, I was filled with such joy that this new little person would be joining our family and the world. Of course I prayed for a healthy baby, never thinking that that would not be the case.
After a very healthy and risk-free pregnancy, our little one was 9 days shy of his due date. On February 6th, I didn’t feel my son move around as much as I usually did. I called my doctor who told us to go to the hospital….better safe than sorry.
In my mind, we were going to be sent home right away, leaving the hospital staff laughing at us for being those over anxious first time parents. Unfortunately, I was admitted that night.
The nurse put the fetal monitor on my stomach and we expected to hear this wonderful thumping heartbeat, as we always did. Our son was a very active little guy who always had a strong heartbeat, so the fact that we heard nothing was a bit alarming. We figured he was just in a weird position. The nurse moved around my stomach for a bit more and FINALLY, we heard a heartbeat. Unbeknownst to us, she zeroed in on my heartbeat so she could go get a doctor.
Within seconds, two doctors from the hospital came in to do a sonogram. Okay, we thought. We’ll see the heartbeat on the monitor.
Again, my baby was always dancing and moving around on every ultrasound we had, until this one. There was no movement at all. It was at this time that my heart began sinking as we asked these two doctors what was going on. “We’re trying to find a heartbeat” was the response we heard. TRYING? What do you mean TRYING? We yelled for our doctor because he would know where to look.
By this point, I was hysterical. Then our doctor finally arrived. He glided the monitor over my stomach, all the while pushing and shaking my stomach trying desperately to wake my son up. I began to realize what was going on. There was no heartbeat. Just like that, every dream and hope I had was gone. The doctor looked at us, shut the machine off and said, “I’m so sorry”. My baby had died.
Everything after that point was a blur. As we were just beginning to try to take this all in, we were then told I had to deliver. Since I was no where near ready to do that, the ordeal of inducing me began. This included everything from various drugs to breaking my water – all the while knowing that once I did deliver, my baby was gone.
We had decided early on in the pregnancy that we wanted to be surprised about the sex of the baby. Our plan was to name our first born after my mother who I lost three years ago. Since our first born would not be able to carry on the name, we decided to choose another. It was then that we asked the nurse to contact our doctor’s office to find out the sex of our baby. Who would have thought that this is how we would find out? It was at that very moment that “the baby” became our son.
After a long 36 hours of labor, I was finally ready to deliver. It was a VERY difficult 45 minute delivery. The only thing that got me through was the need to get him out so he would be comfortable and at peace. I needed to hold him as soon as I could, for as long as I could, all the while dreading that they would eventually have to take him from me.
At 1:35, on February 8, 2007, Daniel Ian Tieger was born. What a gorgeous, perfect baby!! It is an amazing feeling to actually see an exact combination of us. He had my husband’s unmistakable chin with my eyes and nose. Although there is no sure explanation as to why this happened, it seems that the middle of the cord was weak.
They placed Daniel on my stomach right away, and I finally got to hold and gaze at my beautiful son whose life was cut way too short. I could tell you exactly what 8 lbs. 10 oz. feels like. His precious little face, cute feet, and sweet smell will forever be with me. After Jeff and I spent some alone time with him, our whole family came into the room to hold, kiss and bond with this little person.
Three days later, we buried our child. That is something no parent should ever have to do. We went to see him at the chapel. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful – like a sleeping angel. All I wanted to do was pick him up and hold him one more time, realizing that one more time would never be enough. We had a graveside service where everyone was given the opportunity to say who they were in relation to Daniel, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a beautiful service for my beautiful baby. Such a little baby affected so many people despite the fact that he never even took a breath.
Daniel will always be my first child, my first love and my shining star. Our hope is that we raise funds for research and awareness of this horrible occurrence called stillbirth so no other babies are born sleeping and no other families have to endure such a terrible tragedy. Hopefully we can make a difference so that Daniel and all other angel babies who were taken too soon could be honored and remembered through all the lives that this organization will save.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for your desperately needed support.