It was September 9th, 2015 when my husband and I found out we were expecting our third child. Many emotions raced through our minds but excitement was by far the greatest. It was about a year prior that my family had suffered from a miscarriage so we wanted to take our time announcing that we were due May 3rd, 2016. A few short weeks later; which felt like a lifetime, we announced the amazing news to our daughter who was eight and our son who was four at the time that they were going to be older siblings and of course they were so excited. Meanwhile, pregnancy had its ups and downs, at 26 weeks I was on the verge of having gestational diabetes and was told I needed to watch my sugar and carb intake. Telling a pregnant woman she could not indulge in everything she wanted was very hard to say the least. But, I knew it was the right choice for my daughter so I did my best! Although, I was watching my food very closely she was still getting bigger and bigger nearly 6 pounds by 32 weeks, when I started to have contractions and my fluid levels were high! At this point, my doctor wanted to monitor me more closely and decided to do an ultrasound (biophysical) every week along with a non-stress test for movements! Elly passed all of the tests with flying colors; ok maybe not the weight gain part, weighing in at about 7 pounds at 35 weeks, but she was very active!
At 35 weeks and 4 days I was having contractions for over 7 hours which had become even harder and closer together when I finally decided to go in to the hospital. My doctor checked and I wasn’t dilated at that time so her best judgement was to stop my contractions with a medication called terbutaline and send me home after 13 hours of observation. The following weeks of ultrasound, we decided since Elly was so healthy and her incredible weight gain to send me to be induced on April 25, 2016 which put me at 39 weeks. I wanted to jump for joy but was stressed about all the last minute preparations that were needed to be done for our daughters perfect arrival home! Bags needed to be packed, car seats needed to be installed, more clothes needed to be washed, room needed to be perfect and of course I needed some rest before labor!
The day finally came and everything was perfect! Grandmas had the day off from work for the next week, older brother Jayce and older sister Ayla were with great grandpa heading to bed to wake up anxiously awaiting to come to the hospital to see their baby sister Elly Rae! My mother who had just gotten here from Wisconsin, my husband and myself headed to the hospital at 10:30pm to get the ball rolling- that's when all the joy turned into a nightmare. They had put the monitors on my stomach and could not find our child's heartbeat. I remember panicking; tears running down my face thinking come on baby girl, come on baby girl, until they brought in the ultrasound technician who confirmed there was no heartbeat. I lost it! I honestly could not tell you what came after that until my doctor walked in the room and said that I still had to endure labor naturally! I felt hopeless, sad, anger, loneliness even with the 5-10 people in the room and most of all…. empty! My husband and mother were just amazing! They were so strong for me even though they were going through the same pain.
Needless to say, we did not sleep much at all that night as they started the process of labor and the tears did not stop flowing! I do not remember much of the conversation that night, but the next day April 26th, 2016 was the day we had to explain to family and friends our heartbreaking news as they were all anxiously waiting to hear, not to mention breaking the sad news to big brother and big sister! There is nothing more heartbreaking having to prep yourself for a conversation explaining the loss of their sister. And, at this time we still did not know the cause of death of our unborn child. At 2:46pm Elly Rae Gould was born weighing 8lbs 8oz and oh so beautiful! She had brown hair, chubby cheeks, long fingers and toes, an olive skin tone and the perfect shaped lips! But, reality set in and that is when we found out that our precious angel had her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. At that moment when I did not hear a cry from our daughter was when I realized that instead of bringing our baby home where she belonged that we were going to be planning a funeral service for her instead.
The next day I was released from the hospital to come home without Elly and there are no words to describe that pain I felt at that very moment getting into my car and driving out of that parking lot! How could I drive in there so ecstatic and thrilled to become a mother of three to leave so exhausted and feeling defeated with so many unanswered questions? All of the why's, who's, what's and how's still to this day are unanswered and I may never know but one thing I do know is; I am a mother of THREE beautiful children, whom I love with all of my heart! All THREE are with me every day whether that be standing next to me or watching over me, Elly Rae is our diamond in the sky!
The TEARS Foundation is offering an exciting opportunity for the community to become involved with a growing and inspiring event. The TEARS Foundation's Rock & Walk is the signature fundraising event for TEARS. This annual event allows registered walkers to “walk” in honor of a child, or simply in support of others. Each team of walkers may also “rock” in the rocking chairs placed at the event site. Rocking chairs signify the heart of the walk, which is to raise funds for families who have lost a baby and are in need of funeral assistance and emotional support services.
The TEARS Foundation is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that compassionately assists newly bereaved families with their baby’s funeral expenses and with ongoing emotional support. The TEARS Foundation's Rock & Walk event is a time for our community to gather, to walk and to rock, and lift up the families in our local communities who have been affected by the loss of a child.
REGISTRATION: Register by May 11, 2017 for $5 (early bird registration) after that registration will be $10 per person. Children 12 and under receive free admission. You may purchase a personalized Rock & Walk t-shirt by May 11, 2017. A limited amount of non personalized shirts may be available for purchase at the walk. You may also make your own team shirts.
Thank you for helping us support bereaved families in Illinois.
Date: June 11, 2017
Time: noon - 3 p.m.
Location: St. James Farm in Dupage
Directions to St James Farm
I-88 to Winfield Rd. exit. go North. Turn Right (East) onto Butterfield Rd. Turn Left (North) onto Madison St. Turn Left (West) onto Hoy Ave. Follow Hoy Ave into the preserve.
For more information contact Raquel Gorman, Illinois Co-Chapter Leader at (708)415-5102, firstname.lastname@example.org