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Giving back what was stolen in innocence

Organized by: Jeffrey Smith

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THE STORY:

There is a person who to meet her you would never know the pain, loss, and lifelong struggles of enormous hurt she has endured and still suffers through. Because, even when you start to here her life story she is embarressed to have anyone even here. Much less has she ever shown any thing other than content with what little she is good in her life and memories. But the truth is she not only suffers from ptsd, personality dissorder, and panic attacks and flash backs that come from far into very early child hood. She will never tell you that not only was she ripped of her innocense , but would suffer a childhood trying to take care of and win a mothers love that would never come. Her mother with manic depression along with drug and alcohol addictions would take her to losing precious childhood things but to also watch her mother be abused by her father and suicide attempts and mental breaks . but would also be sold to drug dealers at age 5 for drugs being raped so severly by 4 grown men the paramedics that showed that day would think they were first responders to a child who was mutilated and murdered there was so much blood they would forever have nightmares from. Only to here a child wimper here easter dresd was torn and her mother would be angry. Weeks in the hospital and many surgeries later here family would be told never will she have children. Only to be handed to numerous family members who would try and shove off to eachother and belittle. And verbally abuse the rest of her childhood. Still she managed to take care of herself building a tree house to play in alone from the "family" and walk herself to school barefoot every morning being madefun of by other kids. Just happy to be able to borrow shoes from the nurses office so she could be at school where she was happy. So many things and unheard of tragedies to pusue. From 38 miscarriage s and fertility doctors who would give only words to not try to be a mother. To a 9 mos. Of complete bed rest so she wouldnt loose the baby she would have for her faith and suffering to have . then another time to have a boy and a girl. Only to catch her best friend and husband cheating! And leaving her abandoned again and alone. To loose her job after co workers try to chear her out of depression By a day at six flags only to find themselves. In what would end in an amusement park accident. With 9 injured and one dead . where she would still save a child as a hero. But broken bones and a finding of deeper fear when her injuries would bring to light a hidden war . a diagnosses of bone marrow cancer! After a heart breaking almost death when the first treatment would only almost kill her because the only known treatment she would be allergic too. Over came her 6 mos to live. Spends the next few years struggling through divorce her night in shinning armor becoming a person who would make a wealthy life for himself marry the 21 yr old he left her for and then have 2 more children with to become the man who would be the ring leader in turning her only joys and amazing accomplishments of her life against her by trying to make her out to be a bad mother. A mistake to live with because she struggles and has very little to offer them in becoming amazing adults. She would fall to self medicating to just appear happy, normal, and be putting a picture of energetic mothering the very best she could to have a sister use her name to get her license suspended for tickets she never got . to be used for her endless unconditional love and need to make others happy and loved. Then thrown away after she had nothing left to give. And not even helped or given any kind of care when the need to be shown the compassion she would never show anyone even after they shown they had shown they weren't deserving. She couldnt be more passionate. About caring for others, giving anything she could offer to put a smile on there face even if it means loosing for herself. To still not be angry or hurtfull towards the people who turn on her and hurt her. Still saying it must have been hard to deal with the problems her traumas would cause, or the work to be patient to her constant onsets of fear, depression, anxiety, innability to hold a job. To even being okay with her children growing up and having no idea of her daily battles just to look in the mirror and be okay. That they would now hurt her by comments that when they have children they wont let her baby sit... When there couldnt be a woman on this planet that would ever treasure and care for there children than her. Because it is of nothing else the one thing she lives tbat gives her purpose and meaning than to love her children. And to need help be looked at as not trying. Or needing some kinda "tough love" which she will smile and take as it breaks her heart they could ever see her like that when so far from the truth! As long as she were ageeing just as long as they are happy and she can see even from a sad distance! I fall short to have such a wife. And have been given such a gift that seeing her and her pain has changed me as a man. I have to be her night in shining armor she deserves even if it means days of being by her side because she cant handle the flash backs and child person alities she regresses to that makes me cry that parents could have allowed what a sweet little girl she must have been to have had these things happen. To the point all she has is our 6 year old son who makes her days something to get up for. And me. So now we are in a very bad stuggle to make ends meet. I cant work because everyday there is no way of knowing what kinda memories she will be fighting through. And now that all the parents, grandparents, have passed away she can almost not cope with not having them to fill her days with taking care of and trying to get yhere love finally! After our 6 year old heard some of her flash backs and realized how they hurt his mother . he made a point to tell her they deserve to be dead ! Because they should have the gift of having life after what life they allowed to be stripped from what his mommy should have had! He tells her how he is so happy to have a mom who always gives and loves him with all she can like she gives him! She has had a dream since child hood that one day shed be a mom that would get to go to disney world and be a normal happy family with great memories like her friends had .... And she suffers through us now evicted worrying everyday if today will be the day the constable throwes us out like all the time her mother and her were. She panics and freaks out terrified what to do so our 6 yr old doesnt have to go through! Our car was stolen leaving us with 300.00 we used to try and replace it with but now having to figure out how to get the car legal and drivable to even use along with the gas for it. We get 900. Every 3rd from my ssi benifits. And back child support payments i receive other than that were done. Please help give back what was taken. And recover from our whole that is caveing in. Please help me see her feel some since of love and security that we are okay and can start to stop flaring up the past to find a new home and put furniture in like every other normal family she sees. To feel like a mom to show is worthy of being proud of. Get us back on track financially so we can focus on her over coming the past and sarting a new life with a chance from real people who care about her and life like she does others! Please any donation will be put solely on giving this amazing soul a new chance that God had planned for her to know....thankyou for taking the time to allow me to share my story and chance to make right for a childs wrong... And show God heard her wish! God bless.

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Jeffrey Smith

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