Giving Chris his life back
Organized by: Pam Stovall
Hi my name is Pam and I am wanting to give back to a person who gave up everything to help me. 3 years ago after 17 years of marriage I went through a divorce after months of counseling to forgive an affair. Obviously I was not able to move past it and stay married so I asked for a divorce. My ex had left us 3 times and I saw first hand how much it destroyed our daughter and 2 sons, they wanted us to work it out so badly. I was a stay at home wife/mom, out youngest was in/out of hospitals for health issues, due to his Chiari Malformation. My children took the news hard as any child would, my daughter was on her way to college and my boys were so scared they would never see their dad again, they were hurt by the news. We decided that we would allow them to choose who they wanted to live with. I expected them to pick their dad, they needed their relationship with him to heal and I felt as their mother it was my job to protect and support them so I did. I moved out into an apt my ex was paying for and got a job. With minimal skills it didn't work out so well as I was making $8.00 an hr. My apartment was infested with spiders, roaches and eventually bedbugs. I had nowhere to go so I stuck it out, until an old friend of my exes came to pick up a tv I was giving away. They took one look around and said "no, this isn't ok! You are not going to live like this." The next thing I know my stuff was boxed (same day) and I was out of there. From that day on I can't think of anyone I would want to give back to more than this person. Their act of kindness saved my life, I moved into my new room and got settled. I was offered the opportunity to stay until I was able to get on my feet, little did we know that the worst was not behind me but about to be upon me.....us both. Going from being a full time mom and wife to being single and a "part-time" parent hit me in a way that can't be described. I developed non stop panic attacks and sunk into a depression everyone thought was going to kill me. I lay on the couch everyday with the blinds closed buried under a blanket listening to Blue Octobers "Hate Me" grieving for what I had just lost. I couldn't eat or drink anything, I lost my job, my family didn't take my divorce well and most stopped talking to either of us as they were hurt too. Everyday I was told it would be ok it was going to be ok.....everyday I told to hang in there to not give up. I was a mess a total mess. I didn't see the point in going on. Everything I had ever wanted was gone and all I could do was cry and wait for the night I would go to sleep and not wake up. My friend was not about to let that happen. 2/3 o'clock in the morning I would be crying and he would sit there on the other couch and listen he would caress my hair and tell me it was going to be ok. He would come home on lunch and say come one it's our time....I got your favorite chicken nuggets. He missed work a couple of times to sit and just be there. I will never forget one time sitting in my car he looked at me and said.....no one should have to ever see someone go through what you did. He helped me fight to live so much so he lost almost everything. He refused to turn his back on me and because of it lost his girlfriend, went into debt, he lost a sense of himself and lost friends. When everyone else was giving up on me because I was giving up he didn't. He gave me his home with open arms, he allowed my children to come on my time and stay the night. He would make it a point to make my kids feel welcomed and that our needs were met. This is a man who was getting nothing in return....he took us on our first camping trip with his friends, he spent most of his time reassuring me and my children we would be ok. He paid for me to get my Real Estate License, tires for my car, clothes for work, dental work, food and has given money so I could entertain my children on my weekends. Anytime I needed anything all I had to do was ask, he took care of me until I could take care of myself. He wanted me to have what I deserved and wanted, he wanted me to succeed. Going through my divorce took it's toll on our friendship I was struggling so badly and he barely made enough to stay a float and then here I was with my hand out needing his help with something. He maxed out his credit cards and his savings, he worked a lot of over time to pay for things. Why it matters to me so much is because 1 he never asked for anything back 2 he always told me to never feel bad 3 he saved me, he will always be dear to me. He walked through hell with me, he watched my world fall apart and me struggle to rebuild it. He helped me rebuild it when no one else would, he believed in my ability. I am at the point now where I don't need his help anymore but I don't make a lot to be able to give him anything. He made my kids Christmas last year, if it were not for him they would not have had a Christmas. And he took my kids shopping to buy me something. He did all the things he did and when you ask him why he says because he cares about me and everyone deserves a fair playing field. I cry when I think of everything he did for me....the kindness is not measurable. I want to give back to him, I would like to help pay off his credit card debt and give his savings back and help catch him back up on his student loans. Unfortunately I don't make enough to where I have any extra money. I would like him to be able to not have to work so much over time that he can't go out and have a life of any kind. I want to give him his life back, he wants to get married and have kids and he was stable enough just needed the woman. Now he has to rebuild his life for helping me rebuild mine.