Help Me Buy the Houston Texans
Organized by: George Cherry
The entire front office of the Houston Texans franchise is utterly incompetent. We have had the same owner for all fifteen years of our existence, and our current GM - who just received a contract extension (!) - has been in place for ten years. In that time, the franchise has wallowed in mediocrity and has given me no reason to believe they are anywhere near moving into the realm of serious contenders. (Despite all this, I still get my hopes up every year, and wind up a broken, bitter, emotionally exhausted shell of a man each January.)
I am unable to abide this abuse and incompetence any longer. Therefore, I am raising $2.5 Billion to buy the Houston Texans. After buying the team, I will fire all non-player personnel and start fresh. I estimate that I will be able to acquire a majority ownership stake for around $2.1 Billion; the remaining $400 Million will allow me to pay players' salaries and the franchise's operating expenses, until I begin realizing sufficient cash flow from the franchise to maintain the franchise into perpetuity.
The Houston metropolitan area is home to 6 million people. If every one of those donated just $417, we would achieve our goal. Do the right thing, Houston. Help me buy this team. Go Herd.