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Help me help others

Organized by: Anonymous Hoosier

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Am I still a person? I don't know who I am anymore. I was raped, my virginity taken, quietly sitting in a bathroom in McNutt crying that he didn't hear me say no. Was it his fault or mine? I originally consented to it, but didn't want to continue. I frozed during, and nothing came out of my mouth. I wanted to tell him stop, that I didn't want to continue but couldn't. I later had to watch as blood drip down the toilet, as I wiped myself with toilet paper, and saw that there was blood everywhere. Noticing my bare wrist as I had left my watch in at his room when I quickly rushed to leave after. That was my freshman year 2 years ago, I am now a rising junior and unfortunately this was only one of the series of events that occurred during my time here at Indiana University that affected my academic performance. During these past two years my relationship with my parents deteriorated further. I became an independent student without asking for it. I was almost evicted from my university apartment due to a financial issue that took months to resolve. I was mentally abused by my experience with my former employer, and the list goes on and on. I was so sick of myself and everything that happened that I became immensely ill and couldn't speak for 2 weeks. Even after all of this, as I was explaining to an university director about my academic performance and only some of the series of events that cause them to deteriorate, begging her that I have finally been able to come to terms with everything, and plan on improving my GPA, to let me stay at the college I hold so dear to my heart, she interrupted me and said no. No, because unfortunately even with everything that has happen to me, she chose not to believe that these events could've been the main factor in causing my GPA to deteriorate. She did not believe that I was ready to improve my grades. Everything I said was an excuse to which she did not believe, this was confirmed when I asked her to verify my suspicion and to which she said yes, that everything I had said to her seem like excuses, and dismissal appeals were rarely granted, and only granted if there were a "real" tragedy such as a death in the family. I wish no could've came out of my mouth that night as fast as it did out of her's to deny my appeal during an meeting I scheduled just to discuss with her my situation. I wish that if I did, I wouldn't be in the situation I am now, but unfortunately, I could not. I contemplated killing myself after this meeting, to end all of this, because how could someone who's position of employment was to make sure that students like myself were retained at the university see myself as an statistic, a number, an goal, rather then a human being going through hardships in life. It was after coming to such realization that I chose to not kill myself, I didn't because I realized there and then, that I had to be the person she wasn't. I have to be someone who cared for the students. I have to be there to help other countless victims like myself. It was then that I decided no matter what, I will get reinstated before my dismissal. I will fight to graduate. Thankfully, I've met with an another administrator who has been tremendous help in assisting me through all of this! Unfortunately due to the series of events I lost all my scholarship and financial aid in order to continue attending IU. I understand if you do not have the financial means to donate money but I'm asking that after reading my story if you can share it. I apologize for the anonymity, but I have yet to discuss this with anyone but two people, I hope to have the courage to put a face to this story in the future. Please, help me continue the path of finding myself again. Thank you so much.


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Anonymous Hoosier

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