Helping a Little Girl Fight Her Rapist
Organized by: Ann kw
Ann kw via Crowdrise
October 12, 2014
You wouldn't think that in a civilized society a convicted child rapist could pursue visitation with the siblings of his victim... But he can. We've fought to terminate his rights since he was convicted in 2010 but he has been allowed to pursue HIS right of 'every possible avenue' and drag our family through the legal system for almost five years from his current home at Dodge Correctional (WI).
I've done it alone; never asking for help or state assistance and without child support, believing that is it my responsibility to protect my family. Now, I'm asking the Village. He has exhausted me and my children as well as our resources. We've gotten this far; please help us finish.
'She' is 12 now and trying to move forward. She has a goal of assisting other small children who may be afraid to talk to adults about a similar situation. We are working with the domestic abuse shelter locally to get her into a position that she may. She wants to find a yoga studio that will donate time to abuse victims, young and old, as this was her and my way of feeling control over ourselves when he was allowed to continue to make us feel threatened. This is an amazing little girl who has healed and wants to take her broken past and use it to better someone else's future. But first, I need to finish the fight that will keep him from laying hands on her little sister (6) and brother (9).
We are in dependency court and have confronted a new breed of lawyer (paid for by his mother). My attorney insists I find someone with more experience in this type of battle and this is where I am stuck. I have tried the pro-bono route, but being that the opposing counsel is fierce, it's not a case anyone wants to take for small fees due to intensive time expectations.
He is trying to get contact with my children and ultimately, get them flown to WI, where he resides in a prison where the 'most profound sex offenders are housed'. I have to prove before a court that because he hurt one daughter, it is likely he will hurt the other. In order to do that, I need evidence from his trial admitted into court. There is physical evidence from my daughter, testimony and uncountable images of child pornography that were found on his computer. My daughter is willing to get on the stand again and go through the pains of testifying again to protect her siblings, but this is a path of last resort for obvious reasons. This is a complicated case that requires the attention of a lawyer.
If you feel the need the check facts before donating, please follow the link to his conviction. He raped her repeatedly from the time she was very young (3?) to when I left him (when she was 8). He kept her quiet by threatening to 'hurt' me and to go get her baby sister. This is a monster who should never be allowed to give this little girl more nightmares. He should never be allowed to be near children. His mother, despite seeing him admit to everything in the plea bargain process, seems to be in denial of his crimes and finances his custody fights.
I apologize, but the termination case is sealed due to the minors involved... Which is the better, as I'd rather not reveal my daughter's name for obvious reasons. I am willing to answer individual quesitons as they arise.
UPDATE: It has come to my attention that people seem to be confused as to how this could be possible... Several years ago, the law changed and it does not allow for the presumption that an offender will necessarily hurt a sibling. While I have very substantial grounds for termination of his rights, again, it is always getting the right information in front of a judge- Too many cases are lost through loopholes and technicalities and that is not a risk I want to take. It seems unrealistic because it's inconceivable. That does not mean that's it's impossible. Again, I stress that if you have questions or doubts, please message me. It is difficult to summarize such a complex case without seeming to withold facts. This is not the intention; if I wrote what I think is important, this post would be an 800 page book.
UPDATE 10/12/2014: I've had a difficult time deciding how to update this page. It's a public place and as word is spreading, I am not sure who is reading this. I am hesitant to give specifics due to legal advancements and planning. Yet, I certainly feel a responsibility to update our supporters!! Suffice it to say, things are moving forward and with your help and support, I feel we are in a very positive position. We've explored several avenues and have many things in motion at this point. Several weeks ago, we filed a motion to request our hearing. Dependency court is completely sealed to the public (even I have to physically present myself and a drivers license to request so much as the case number) and has many, many steps to reach a final conclusion. To summarize: I found that a part of the reason it's so expensive is because you have to request a hearing to request a date for the trial and before you get there, there are hearings to make sure the lawyers are moving forward and hearings to make sure everyone is ready for the trial. A lot of time spent on formalities.
A couple of weeks ago I had to wade through some very difficult material that I haven't had to see before, as well as revisit memories that we've processed and put behind us. I admit, I was emotionally exhausted and just hanging on balancing work and family. I really struggled with the idea that my ex is controlling my days and decisions from prison so many years later and a low moment came the day I came home from work and a car was parked in front of my house. It was no one (just teenagers), but it took me back to many moments when strange cars were parked outside that sped away when approached. That moment of fear- good grief, talk about a step backwards. However, the forced confrontation of emotions made me numb again, which comes in handy for the upcoming rollercoaster. It puts me into 'fight' mode, which is a much more confident and aggressive position. The kids feel that unspoken energy and I would imagine it's a much more positive feeling than a scared, teary-eyed 'leader'.
My daughter is doing lovely, and, as she says, "...figures you're taking care of it, Mom, so I'm not worried." We experimented with 'controlling dreams' as a way of stopping her occasional recurrent nightmares a few months ago and I expected to lose ground on that front, but she has had none! She is pouring her extra energy into raising costumes and candy for an organization that supports children in similar situations. Her brother and I continue to be amazed at her strength and kindness.
Some of you may be wondering why she is aware of the legal battle going on... and some may think it's not the best approach. When all of this began, many years ago, the children and I agreed that we could only survive by being completely honest with each other. This means me, too. So, as I have information, I share it with the two oldest and to some degree, my nine year old son (although this is limited to what he needs to know and can understand, which is very little). We are very factual about it, weigh pros and cons to different outcomes and then they usually take time to process their thoughts before asking a few more questions. We have spent many hours talking about adult and relationship things I never imagined discussing with my seven year old daughter or ten year old son; we discuss forgiveness and healing and ways to move forward. But, most of the time we talk about homework and dinner plans and a trip to the park! The only real silver lining to any of this has been that I have the most amazing and open relationship with a 14 yr old boy and a 12 yr old girl imagineable to a mother. It may have been forced on us, but we have made it our own and used it for our good.
Again, I am willing to answer more specific questions on a private level if you choose to message me. I just do not want some of our more private details in such a public realm. And please, if you know a woman or child you think may need to talk, please send them here. I'll reach out as a legally privileged party (no lawyer can use our communication in a court proceeeding) as well as as a friend.