BENEFITING: Make-A-Wish Vermont
Look everyone; we all knew this was coming. I'm finally being coerced into a Beard Contest. Why do I want to subject myself to the equivalent of a Male Beauty Pageant? Well, firstly, my beard is probably the easiest and most important thing I've ever created in my life. It just sprung forth from my face. I had a dream once where I was fighting a villain with a sword, and he disarmed me, but my beard became a big shield that protected me from his attacks. Another time, I bet using my beard as collateral. I lost. I don't bet with my beard anymore. Secondly, this whole pageant thing is for a good cause; The Make-A-Wish Foundation. I'm not sure how that relates, but I'm not going to think about it too hard. Thrice; my beard has made all sorts of funny things happen. People in Europe were terrified/fascinated by it and randomly shouted, "ZZ TOP!" at me. I got a free pint of Guinness at the factory because of a sympathetic bartender. Occasionally, it falls into my food while I'm eating and I bring it to my mouth with my utensil (I laugh about this everytime). I dip it in my soup. It gets all gnarled and frozen on cold days when I'm bicycling around and i look like Jeremiah Johnson. Anyway, do it for the kids.