When my son was born 3 years ago, my life changed in a monumental way. He has been the light of my life and the driving force behind my evolution, an empowered woman and mom, and a conscious human being.
Three years ago, in the weeks, days and hours before Huck came into the world, I was flooded with quotes of what I should expect once he was born... "it'll be a love you can't describe", "the joy!!!!....", "you'll just be in love"... they all said... and yes I did feel that, but those were the emotions in the backdrop of my experience. Let me reiterate that I LOVE my son whole-heartedly and with a fierce, primal enthusiasm. That was never the question... but when I think back, what still comes across crystal clear is the overwhelming feelings of loss and grief from the moment he came into the world. How could I be feeling this extreme sense of loss? What was wrong with me that I wasn't filled with joy and pleasure and completely filled up by this new beautiful baby I'd just brought into the world? I was silent about it, convinced it was a stage and that I must be in shock... and then I stayed silent about it too long. Little by little, through dance, movement and sharing my experience my days got brighter, more focused and more joyful, but I wish I would have had a community of people who shared my experience. And that is why I'm participating in this climb... to bring awareness of the realness of Postpartum Depression and bring a little light to the darkness.
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