BENEFITING: POSTPARTUM PROGRESS
After my twins were born I began suffering form postpartum anxiety and depression. All of a sudden I was juggling twins, additional finances, a full time job, a marriage and it was all too much. However, because I wasn't suffering from the classic postpartum symptoms, I tried to manage my mental illness on my own, thinking it was just me adjusting to motherhood and new stress and no one around me tried to intervene.
I spent the first year of motherhood feeling like no one understood how hard having twins was for me and no one really cared. It made me feel angry and frustrated. I felt alone and like there was no one who could understand how valuable and monumental even little wins were to me.
I later learned that there are a variety of postpartum mental illnesses, and my illness was just as harmful and unmanageable without help. After a year of suffering, I found the strength to reach out to a therapist for help. I wanted to do more than just survive. I wanted to thrive again. I wanted my children to see a happy and vibrant mom.
I went to therapy and eventually started medication. The medication ended up being the key. I could finally let go of the little things that kept getting in the way and holding me back. I could redefine my relationships in positive and present terms instead of the fear of what might be. I began to feel content.
Part of strength is admitting your weaknesses. I had to admit that I'm not super woman and I couldn't just will my mental illness away. When I accepted that and got the help I really needed I actually felt stronger and more empowered.