EVENT DATE: Aug 21, 2016
From three in 2014 and 12 in 2015, our Team is now 20 runners competing in the 2016 Falmouth Road Race to raise money for "He Also Had Five Daughters: the Jill McLean Taylor Memorial Scholarship Fund.”
We dubbed this year’s team “Now and Forever 5 Daughters” because we are nearly certain that we will achieve our ultimate goal of raising $100,000 to establish an endowed scholarship in Jill Taylor's name at Simmons College this year. The specific mission of the scholarship is to provide financial support to young women pursuing an undergraduate education. To date, we have raised approximately $80,000. With this year’s effort, the scholarship will now be funded in full, and in perpetuity.
Please see www.crowdrise.com/had5daughters for more information about He Also Had Five Daughters’ origin and goals.
Alex Taylor: Extensive research following a disastrous race in 2014 (lost to younger brother, Will) resulted in a more efficient stride in 2015 but not the expected gain in pace. Even so, he restored the sibling order of things and squashed Will.
Clarinda Taylor: Sweetness from Chicago who (somehow) looks happy the entire race. Clarinda, AKA smash, monk, smonk, squish, perch, or trout is currently training on the shores of Lake Pewaukee, Wisconsin where locals love her and fish fear her. Second to the finish line, favorite course feature is the blue paint where paparazzi hope to capture her fist pump.
William Taylor: According to his doctor, size and heat conspired to thwart his push for glory in the 2015 race; he landed in an ice bath rather than the winner’s circle. He has spent most of the last year in a dark room, trying to figure out how it all went so wrong. Many have accused his brother Alex, who was seen lurking near Will’s food and water supply before the race, and reportedly has connections to the Russian doping scandal. Will agrees this a plausible and even likely explanation, but has steadfastly resisted the calls to have Alex banned from the 2016 race.
Tessa Taylor: The story is familiar: younger sibling (Tessa) challenges older sibling (Talia – see below) and gets punished for it. Tessa hopes to rewrite the story. No matter what happens we’re thrilled to have her running with us this year. Notably, Tessa is a field hockey star (clearly athletic) and feels most comfortable running with a stick. Watch out Talia.
Vanessa: For months leading up to the race, Vanessa pretends that she is not competitive and does not want to run, forcing the team organizers to beg her to participate. With a long sigh, followed by silence and then “if you really want,” she finally agrees. Once on board, “Belgian Chocolate” plans course strategy for the team, including when to get psyched on Eye of the Tiger and the random guitar player, and how to handle Death Valley and save yourself for the race’s version of Heartbreak Hill. She will even (not so reluctantly) walk difficult portions of the course and describe where the best cheers come from. There is simply no one better at pre-race pep talking. Vanessa and her family are THE reasons that many of us originally began running the Falmouth road race. *Last seen coaxing her brother Tod across the finish line.
Tod Hynes: Owes his personal fitness to the Taylors who suggested he might be out of shape last year. Tod subsequently disappeared for 3 months and then showed up at race time 10 lbs lighter and much faster than many of us, but not "Belgian Chocolate" (see above).
Banker White: In 2015, Banker finished a close second to Brendan Hynes in most likeable team member, but was closer to the back of the pack in finish times. He has whetted the odds makers’ appetite with a vow to train this year, including a multi-week isolation ritual on a nearby island before the race.
Anna Fitch: In preparation for the race, this entomologist intensively studied the patterns of the Australian tiger beetle, the world’s fastest ground insect. Topping out at 5.6MPH the only reason this beetle slows down is that its visual system cannot keep up and it then crashes into things. It is not clear how Anna will integrate the beetle into her stride, but we expect it to be interesting and come with crashes.
Devon: Last seen at a spinning class half-singing, half-spinning, hardly sweating. Her sweat glands dried up in Costa Rica so never appears that she is actually exerting herself. This is her core characteristic; she does things well and with ease. Frankly, it is somewhat annoying but good things happen to good people. So we expect a strong finish from her, although well behind Banker.
Elizabeth “Libet”: Kenyan women dominate running and represent 12 of the past 16 Boston Marathons winners. Libet isn’t Kenyan, but she runs like one after training for several years around Mount Cameroon (not Kenya, but kind of close). Like her dogs, this Mary Stuart Masterson look-a-like contestant regular (see http://www.mindspring.com/~jjyoung/msm/photos/msm004a.jpg) is inexhaustible and easily provoked by sustained eye contact. Those taunting words you hear as she passes you are likely Yeats and it only gets worse if you bring up (i) the sport of tennis, or (ii) Kevin Durant’s departure from The Thunder.
Adam Nyborg: Reportedly, Matt Damon was paid nearly 1 million per line for the new Jason Bourne movie. He has very few lines but nails them. Adam is our Bourne. He’s quietly confident, knows how to use a knife and chainsaw, and likes heavy woolen sweaters. Nobody has seen him run but we know he’s fast because he beat the rest of us last year.
William (Bill) Rugg: Silver fox who crashed and burned last year. He finished but it hurt. He describes a very different approach this year, including current diet that consists entirely of shakes made of weirdly mixed fruits and powders.
Talia Bruce: A new Phenom and Duke Dog who ran track at James Madison University. Talia is quiet, mysterious, and oddly fast. She represents the Brookes clan (Will’s in-laws) who are known for being silently competitive (father coaches baseball at Haddam-Killingworth, one of CT’s winningest teams, with 600+ wins). Some speculate the whole town is genetically tweaked from its proximity to a nuclear power plant. The race within the race is Talia versus younger sister, Tessa.
Jon Whitcher: Known by his handle “Axe” and self-proclaimed King of the Cape, Jon validated his reputation as a red-headed assassin in the 2015 race, yet was devastated by his second place (amongst the team). He was the only person on our team to wear those really skimpy, almost pornographic running shorts.
Brendan Hynes: Long time watcher, third time runner. Possibly the highest value of any team member due to unbridled enthusiasm and keen observations. Vows to win most improved player by beating his time from last year.
Michael McNerney: Mike McNerney felled a tree with his bare hands at the age of three. He had “old man strength” by the time that he was 7. In 2015, he travelled the World on a VisionQuest and is undefeated, in everything, since he returned. Observers often ask: does an abnormally large head does not prevent him from racing? No, he has run several marathons and is a dark horse favorite.
Laura Pas: College swimmer; legitimate runner. Laura moved to Atlanta following last year’s race for year round training in hot, humid conditions. She passed Alex twice last year. It doesn’t make sense.
Dominic Gerardi: He’s not just happy to see you; Dominic was actually a pole vaulter in college (Holy Cross) and Simsbury (Connecticut) High. His friend (also running the race, but for a different team) teaches at the Nativity school and thus has already booked his ticket to Heaven. Dominic is hoping that, for himself, running for our team will help get him there too. Dominic was a highly-sought after free agent and several other non-profit teams tried to nab him; we are very pleased that he chose us.