Dear potential donor, my name is Jonathan Hartley Finch, professor of modern literature at Attica College, Boston Massachusetts. I represent the interests of detectives first class Dirk Dickerson and Jack Step of Kyiv Unedited online investigations.
In the interest of full disclosure, I must acknowledge that I am not personally acquainted with Messrs Dickerson and Step, but only know them through the treasure trove of rough and tumble reporting that they have compiled from the “comic-esque” world of modern Kyiv.
But it has come to my attention that these men are now in desperate straits and badly in need of your generous support – financial and otherwise, as you may deem appropriate. For the last five years, Dickerson and Step have fearlessly and selflessly taken on the self-appointed establishment of expatriate Kyiv in a bold attempt to uncover shameless self promotion, cynical deceit, personal perversion and ultimately ruthless revenge enacted against the investigators themselves, who have sacrificed career, family and reputation in their pursuit of “absurd truth”.
Now I don’t want to paint these two men as angels. Dickerson has a temperamental nature, and Step is haunted by a decades-long struggle with alcoholism … one in which he gladly took the losing side. Both men have been fired from countless jobs, often through no fault but their own. But our heroes sometimes come flawed. While the villains hold eminent positions as chief editors of English-language newspapers, high school principals, PR executives and the like.
Don’t take my word for it. Access their site on your own and expose your mind to tales some might feel best untold. There are even colored illustrations, drama-filled mug shots splashed across the canvas of an already captivating narrative.
Dear donor, you don’t have to believe in Ukraine, a war-torn country and dysfunctional state on the brink of extinction. You don’t have to sympathize with two middle-aged white men down on their luck in a foreign land. But do please open your hearts to their raucous, irreverent episodes of human sin, their dead-men’s yarns, the dreamscape setting of post Soviet Podil, its pop-up skyline, cement cracked waterfront, the Jewish quarter, the carriage way of the czars!
Ultimately, dear donor, my proposition to you is a simple one: Do you support a soiled and sordid truth, its grotesque and humor-filled retelling by fallen heroes, themselves often caught up in the crime … or cookie cutter platitudes trumpeted from London-based broadsheets, false promises from the false prophets of business, government and the ubiquitous NGO?
The choice is yours alone. Look into your hearts and pocket books and see if there is something there for freedom of speech, good story telling, and politically incorrect plots. The money you donate will be used to ramp up the work horse that is the Kyiv Unedited web site, adding illustrated icons to help readers navigate their way through the already 400 plus first-hand reports. There are plans for audio-visual enhancement, animated films, a mobile-phone delivery system and in-house designed T-shirts, post cards and other merchandising for donors.
Let these men live to write another day, another way!