Hello Internet! It's your old pal, Marcus. On the Fourth of July I'm doing the C.A.T. Walk and Fun Run 5K to raise money for a fancy van that squeezes lady boobs.
(Or as a competent person put it: Help me raise money for Tuality Healthcare's new mammography van. Currently, Tuality's 24-year-old mobile mammography van is unreliable, both as a vehicle and a medical diagnostic platform. Its physical structure is at the end of its useful life and its medical equipment is outdated. It is the only mammography van in Oregon and currently travels to 44 sites in seven counties including the Grande Ronde Health Center Indian Reservation and Coffee Creek Correctional Facility. A new van with 3-D diagnostic imaging technology will dramatically improve both the quality and quantity of cases and bring mammograms to underserved women in nine Oregon counties including rural areas. )
I completed the 2017 C.A.T. 5K in 25:25, which put me in third place for my age and gender (AKA "Old Dudes"). In the year since I've never been able to beat that time. Not even close.
So this year I'm throwing down the gauntlet at myself: I want to be 2018's Fastest Old Dude.
Last year's top Old Dude time was 22:23. Which means, if this year's times are consistent, I have to finish the race a full three minutes faster than my FASTEST TIME EVER.
Do you think I can do it? Do you want to see me die trying? Do you not give a crap about how fast I can run but don't want local ladies to die of preventable breast cancers? Make a donation and voice your support (or talk shit to me) in the comments!