Help Outspoken Atheists Leave the US
Organized by: Mark Hurley
EVENT DATE Nov 02, 2016
Hi, we're outspoken anti-theist activists, we live in the United States, and you probably wish we didn’t.
We supported the legalization of gay marriage and easy-to-aquire medical cards. We write letters that remove nativity scenes and commandment statues, and we say "Happy Holidays" religiously (pardon the pun) in December, because it’s everyone’s holiday. We hope your churches get taxed, terminal reproductive care (*wink*) is affordable and available for girls of all ages, and to make religious education illegal for minors. We move the Bible to the fiction section of libraries and bookstores, because we're incouragable. We are not kidding.
Not only should bakers and florists be forced to cater gay weddings, they should be strapped into a chair Clockwork-style and forced to watch the consummation. Alright, a little kidding, but not much.
I'll bet you're one of those people who believes the United States was founded on Christian principles. You're wrong, but with a small donation, you can help get a few more people who think so get the heck out of your country! We'll go to a nice, chilly Scandinavian country, where everybody is already atheist, and you can be one step closer to your dream for a nationwide Jesusland theme park.
Think of it, you will have won the argument for your country and your God, and you didn’t even have to be right! You must really want these smug know-it-alls out of your electoral process, stat. We vote, and we vote god-free.
On the other hand, you can waste your crowd-funding money on losing bets, like failing Irish pizzerias who would absolutely refuse should a gay couple ever ask them to cater their wedding. Mega-sacrifice! A better sacrifice is a couple of anti-theists leaving behind their convictions and the country they desperately love, because their countrymen voted, with their money, that they were not welcome in God's nation. Face it, we can't be saved, make us Europe's problem.
Assuming an appropriate goal is met, your donation will get you weekly pictures of two (2) atheists at a well-known landmark an entire ocean away, so you know we’re gone for good, and not messing up your special theocracy. Guaranteed, all money raised beyond the goal will go toward showing another dirty heathen the door, so potentially, you can get rid of a gaggle of atheists by working together toward a common goal.
Did I mention we're also socialists? If you get us out of here by November, 2016, Bernie Sanders gets a couple less votes.