THE MAW MAWS
Kylie Siobhan first rose to fame as America's number 1 purveyor of meat-dresses. Although many believe her creations were inspired by Lady Gaga, Kylie entered the beef garment industry to provide stylish, affordable clothes to the small but underserved population of people with violent allergies to plant fibers. Kylie is also a talented and prolific songwriter--so much so that her landlord and most green grocers accept her demos in lieu of cash. Whether you need a steak suit or a solid gold single, Kylie's got you covered.
Donita Slattery claims she was born and raised in the UP, but that's difficult to reconcile with her rainbow eyes, slight pinkish glow, and ability to spit battery acid at street harassers who tell her to smile. When she's not picking out what she calls "glaring inaccuracies" in "The Man Who Fell to Earth," Donita likes to make her six-string scream like an ecstatic angel. Donita can play guitar using telekinesis (a technique she allegedly learned in the UP), but prefers a hands on approach as more "organic."
Hala Gibran is pushing 60 but looks younger because she's had more work done than Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson combined (RIP x 2). Hala made her fortune as a tattoo artist specializing in foreign language designs. Incredibly, Hala stayed in business even after her customers discovered Hala deliberately mistranslated the phrases to be as embarrassing as possible; the art was that good. In her efforts to master the art of percussion, Hala went through three couches and countless wooden spatulas before finally heeding her best friend's advice to "just buy a (expletive deleted)ing drum kit, already."