The Most Auncient and Royale Order of Thye Penguin is mankind's premier formal-dress drinking society, and we hereby extend to you the opportunity to join our august ranks!
Drunker than the Masons and more dashing than the Knights Templar, our proud order is dedicated to the betterment of society through the injudicious application of formalwear, single malt scotch, karaoke, and frikken’ mad and glorious love. If you are the proud owner of a tuxedo and less than three felony convictions (four if one of them is funny), then congratulations, sir – you’re a Penguin now!
And for you Ladies of Class and Distinction (you know who you are), some head-turning finery and the hallowed pinky-swear of secrecy qualifies you for our sister organization, The Black Dress Conspiracy! Ladies, whether clad in an elegant little black number or the puffiest prom dress you’ve ever shimmied into, the Gentlemen of the Order would be honored to squire you about town as we class the living crap out of Gotham's finest drinking establishments.
But come correct, Playas and Playettes, because the Order rolls smoove and funky fresh. Remember, whether lounging indolently against the polished oak of the city’s finest bars or handcuffed to the fender of a NYPD rapid-response vehicle – by God you’re a Penguin, and the Order has a reputation to maintain.
To join us, sign up at this very page, and make a fully tax deductible donation to our friends the Flux Factory. Penguins donating $100 or more receive will receive an extra special piece of Penguins finery from the Penguin High Council. Donations of $50 or more will receive an almost-as-special surprise gift, and donations of $20 or more give you exclusive admission to the Flux vs. Penguins garden party and barbecue, which lies athwart our route. Consider donating an extra $20 to sponsor an impecunious Penguin-slash-artist lest they miss this unmissable event!
Further details - such as when and where to join us - shall follow by subsequent mail and/or secret ninja courier.