BENEFITING: Action Against Hunger USA
EVENT DATE: Nov 22, 2012
Instead of the free booze, drugs, compliments, and ultimately the shame of a 32nd birthday party as I understand it, I ask that you give a dollar, a penny, a yen, pound, or sheckel to feed the hungry. If that doesn't do it for you, fuck it, just drop $10 because you'd probably squander it anyways.
We've enjoyed a tremendous amount of success in our industry lately, and it's hard to believe that a very significant part of the world will never understand the luxury of running water at home...if they even have a home. I want $3200 for my 32nd birthday. Give it to me via the orange button.
Let's build some water wells, buy some rice, and give a foot where we would have most likely only given an inch. The benificiary of this drive is Action Against Hunger and they can't stop getting awards for how effective they are at getting relief to those who need it the most...quickly. Look them up on charitywatch.org and decide for yourself.
OR...Here's what else you can do with that dollar...
Become a very small partner in a very small business.
Mail it to someone, anyone, in the phone book (you’ll have to find a stamp).
Buy a few bites of someone’s pizza slice.
Make an expensive paper airplane.
Cash it in for 100 pennies and drop them everywhere (it’s good luck for people).
Alternately, use those 100 pennies for 100 wishes in a fountain.
Light a cigar with it (No judgments here).
Use it to win a crappy stuffed toy from a grabbing machine.
Give it to the homeless guy in the city center.
Double it every day. You’ll be a millionaire in just 20 days.
Borrow 8.75 cents and buy something from the dollar menu.
Make a bet to trade the lives of a stockbroker and conman.
Swap it for a shiny English 50 pence piece.
Get fake attention from a stripper for roughly 5 seconds.
Buy a scratch card and turn your $1 into a piece of garbage.
Buy a Powerball ticket, dream for a day (if you win, you owe me).
Get a bargain from Goodwill and help a charity at the same time.
Frame it (especially if it’s the first dollar you ever earned/borrowed/stole).
Request a song from the busker in Union Square.
Buy and read a classic novel from a used bookstore. Then sell it for $1 (or make another dollar by getting paid to shut up)
Put it down as extra principal on your mortgage, pay off your house 0.00000000000000000001 years earlier (best guess).
Cut it into small pieces and create the ballerest confetti EVER.
Use it as a clue in the ancient hunt for hidden government/Disney treasure.
Photocopy your butt multiple times and decorate your bar.
Download a legal song from iTunes.
Buy a full day’s food for a poor family in India. (!!!!!!!)
Get the silence of a child if you buy a big sucker pop.
Buy one share of an ailing corporation.
Buy one-thirtieth of one share in Microsoft.
Write a message of hope on it that will pass through the hands of many people
Doodle a mustache on Mr. Washington you little rebel.
Exchange it for a $1 coin and hunt for a vending machine that accepts it.
Eat it (probably healthier than eating anything off the dollar menu).
Try and fold it in half more than seven times (supposedly impossible).
Buy 10 copies of Vanilla Ice’s fabulous 1991 movie “Cool As Ice.”
Make a fortune by betting on a winning horse with odds of 50,000 – 1 (I want a commission).
Purchase a $1 million bill from a magic store and exchange it at WalMart...for magic beans.
Buy a newspaper and read yesterday’s news.
Sign it and sell it on eBay for big $$$ (this only works if you’re famous).
Bet someone $1 you can dance worse than M.C.Hammer. Lose bet.
Tear it in half and give one piece to your true love.
Buy a sheet of paper and a pencil. Write an award-winning short story.
Bury it. Dig it up 200 years from now and hey presto, it’s an antique...and worth $1.25.
Get a haircut. Which hair is up to you.
Roll it into a tube shape and use it as a feeble straw.
Buy a year’s supply of food for your pet worm.
Spend one hour at the penny arcade.
Get your palm read at the carnival (for $1 your fortune may be bleak).
Buy a key ring, open up a gift shop at the airport and sell it for $10. (OPM)
Visit the $1 section in Target, close your eyes and pick up a lovely surprise.
Buy a bunch of jaw breakers and shove them all in your mouth.
Exchange it on Craigslist for something cool, like a jigsaw with 5 missing pieces.
Knit yourself a one-fingered glove.
Slice it into tiny strips, join the ends together and create a jump rope.
Buy a tub of imitation playdough and regress to childhood.
Make lemonade out of lemons; two for a buck at most bodegas.
Write, direct, produce and star in your own seriously low-budget movie.
Team up with 100,000 other folks with $1 and have an enormous party.
Or, team up with a billion other folks with $1 and feed the hungry.
Buy a $1 gift card to your favorite store, for your ex.
Buy two large rubber bands and make your own designer thong.
Rent a Zipcar for 10 minutes.
Shrink it to the size of a stamp using Wonkavision (Wonka fans, unite)
Travel back to 1885 and pop it in a savings account.
Paint it red and pretend it’s a dollar left to you by a Martian.
Give it to the guy in Robocop who always said “I’ll buy that for a dollar.”
Fold it into a V-shape, lengthways, and use it to pour spices into small jars.
Write “the crow flies at midnight” on it and pass it to a complete stranger, winking.
Keep it in the bathroom as a last resort for those ‘no toilet paper!’ emergencies.
Stick it to your arm and create a cheap and non-painful tattoo.
Glue it to the underside of a glass table and watch the hilarious results.
Ask a complete moron to swap it for a $100 bill (if this works, let me know).
Bet George Lucas he can’t create a worse character than Jar Jar Binks. Win bet.
Throw it into the path of an F6 tornado; watch it slice through a tree.
Invest in XFL.
Give it to the CEO of a major oil company, along with the shirt off your back.
Drop it at your accountant’s office to test his/her honesty.
Save it until the day after Valentine’s Day and buy a big bag of candy.
Get front-row tickets to the New Kids On The Block comeback tour.
Take it to a scientist to prove that money does not actually talk.